LB Lee (lb_lee) wrote,
LB Lee

Crazy Chasers

Let’s talk crazy chasers.  These are the creepy people who pursue a relationship with you (platonic or not) specifically because of your mental illness, diagnosis, or eccentricity.  There can be varying reasons–they want to “save” you, they think you’re more vulnerable to their predation, they have an extremely specific fetish–but it all boils down to creepery because it’s not really about YOU.  You’re just a container for your crazy, which is the only part they really care about.

A creeper’s calling card is coming on fast and hard.  They’re amazed by you.  Your bravery stuns them.  Having a hard time?  They’ll offer money, crash space, a shoulder to cry on… sometimes in their first meeting with you.

They might try and pass themselves off as an honest supporter.  They’re not.  I get people messaging me fairly regularly, hugely excited because we’re the first multi they’ve ever met.  Lurkers support me in email, PMs, and donations. (Hi, anons!) But if I tell them to back off, they do, usually with effusive apologies.  They don’t want me to be uncomfortable, because they care about my feelings as a human being.

Chasers do NOT back down.  They want crazy, and my humanity gets in the way.  For example, there was the dude who, on his first PM to me, offered me crash space and asked me to tell him about my rape history.  When I told him to fuck off, he said that I sounded defensive and this was just his communication style, he was always totally honest with his friends, and kept badgering me.  Or that OTHER dude who said he could totally sympathize with me as a gay trans man because he dated a bunch of asexual lesbians(?), and melodramatically mourned that I would be unable to breast-feed the hypothetical future children I never want to have.

See the difference?

Chasers can be tempting even when you recognize them, especially at the lowest periods of your life.  When you feel alone, unwanted, or desperate, any support or affection, however creepy, can seem worth a shot.  Try not to cave.  Chasers do not give useful attention.  Their goal is to keep you as crazy as suits them, and usually that involves you being dependent on them.  If you’re feeling shitty now, they’ll make you feel worse, because they will erode any progress or independence you make.  They will give you short-term shots of affection or care, but they won’t actually work to support your goals or growth as a person.  Because you aren’t a person to them.

These people can have the same diagnosis themselves.  In fact, they may use that to initiate rapport, to get your guard down.  They would never victimize you; after all, they’re just like you!  Don’t fall for it.  If they push and push, they are NOT just like you.

Stay aware and stay safe!
Tags: multi geekdom
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But if I tell [supporters] to back off, they do. ...Chasers do NOT back down.

This right here is such an important distinction.

They want crazy, and my humanity gets in the way.

Also this. :-/